Well, here we are. The annual Wild Bill holiday edition.
Many readers have been asking for help with their holiday shopping, and as usual, I’ve dug up a select group of jewels you probably missed on Black Friday.
The holiday gifting season also puts everyone at corporate headquarters in a quandary on what to put under The Chief’s Christmas tree. I’ve got to admit he seemed pretty excited a couple years ago at Hotel Roanoke’s Regency Room when I presented him with his own “Chia Chief”, one of those green-hair growing absurdities that comes in versions from Martin Van Buren to Cher to Donald Trump. His personalized one was an offshoot of Elmo, but it did look amazingly like the ole boy, plus it got him interested in gardening. Home run gift for sure.
Obviously, I’m suggesting for anyone looking for that special gift, a selection from the official sportswear of the Wild Bill column, Loudmouth Golf. Men’s and women’s styles that make an exceptional statement 365 days a year. You know me on the sidelines by Loudmouth, now’s your chance to join the party at www.loudmouthgolf.com.
Confidentially, I’m considering for The Chief one of Loudmouth’s newest styles, “Scratch”, named after golfers with a zero handicap,. Not picked out because The Chief’s talented on the links, but I’ve noticed him itching a lot lately.
Before we get to my more unusual gift possibilities, let’s take a look at local “Big-11” high school championship runs in volleyball and football, a Golf Hall of Fame selection, ice hockey and a peek in the mail bag where one reader asks about Virginia Tech football.
Congratulations go out to head coach Julie Conner and the Lord Botetourt volleyball team for capturing the VHSL Class 3 state championship with a resounding 3-0 sweep over the Tabb Tigers. Second straight state title for the Cavaliers, who have gone 65-1 in the past two seasons.
Likewise, big applause to Carla Ponn’s Hidden Valley Class 3 squad, who lost in an epic battle to Botetourt, 3-2, in the state semifinals. Another verification that the top volleyball in Virginia goes right through the “Big-11”.
On to football, where it’s hard to top Roanoke Catholic’s third straight VISAA Division-III state championship with their 61-8 win over Fuqua. Head coach Bob Price’s Celtics were dominant all season on both sides of the ball.
Close call for North Cross in the VISAA Division-II ranks, where the Raiders fell 35-21 to Fredericksburg Christian in the state final. Ironically, Fredericksburg’s (11-1) only loss of the season came against North Cross back in September when seven turnovers led to a 26-9 Raider win. Another great season for head coach Stephen Alexander and the Raiders.
Lord Botetourt will carry the final “Big-11” banner as it battles Heritage this weekend in the VHSL Class 3 state semifinal in Lynchburg. Good luck to Jamie Harless’ talented Cavaliers in their run to a potential title game in two weeks.
Big shout out to fellow-sports writer Randy King for his selection into the Roanoke Valley Golf Hall of Fame. Deserving honor for a great guy who has been quite a fellow to hang around with over the years.
The Roanoke Rail Yard Dawgs are set for a busy holiday run at the Berglund Center. Home games November 30 and December 1 (Macon), December 6 (Birmingham), December 15 and 22 (Fayetteville), December 29 (Macon), December 31 (Knoxville).
Now, to our stocking stuffers of 2018, where we’ll simply give a quick rundown of the best of the worst via late-night TV.
1) Poo-Pourri ($24.95): An aerosol spray that promotes, “Spray the bowl before you go, and no one else will ever know.” Seems like it would be less embarrassing to let the odor hang for a couple minutes than to have this sitting on the back of the commode. Wild Bill No-Go: if you’re that concerned, go with a $1 ocean breeze can at Dollar Tree.
2) Bed Bug Stuffed Animal ($9.99): Supposedly conditions children to guard against the infestation epidemic by getting them to recognize the offensive critters. Wild Bill No-Go: Let the kids cuddle with stuffed bears or kittens.
3) Puppy Love Fragrance ($44): Spray perfume for your lady that makes her literally smell like a dog. No indication in the ad on what breed she’ll resemble. Wild Bill No-Go: At this price, stick with White Diamonds for better results on a snowy night.
4) Spray-on Hair for Balding Gentlemen: ($13.95): Might be worth a try as long as your date doesn’t run her hands through your hair during the evening. Wild Bill Give it a Shot.
5) Fundies ($9.99): A single pair of underwear intended to be worn by two people at once. Arguably not what she wanted when she asked for lingerie, but the potential here is endless. Wild Bill 5-Star Review.
Finally to the mail bag where a concerned Hokie asks, “What happened?”:
Dear Wild Bill; Dang, you were right when you said Virginia Tech football was way overrated. How did you pick up on it? (HokieGeorge/ Salem)
Well, George, it didn’t take a French scientist to see this coming after the Tech win on Labor Day over a Florida State team that looked like deer in the headlights. Who in the world ranked these teams in the Top-20 was beyond belief. Florida State validated my point by going 5-7. Tech followed suit by losing game after game in blowout fashion. I was summarily blasted after my last column for calling VT overrated after their loss to Old Dominion. Well, sorry guys, but it only got worse. Tech is only two plays removed from being 3-8 after the Mr. Ed horseshoe wins over UNC and Virginia.
Until next time, I wish all my readers a joyous and prosperous holiday season. See you next year when season #12 unfolds.
