I heard this expression from a dear friend within the last couple of months and, as per usual, when something strikes me as potential column title, I write it down. Often I need to wait, however for the subject matter to present itself.
Now is that time. In the aftermath of the Rolling Stone article recounting a horrifying rape at a University of Virginia fraternity house, it turns out that key details of the account may not be true. The magazine has since issued an apology of sorts, two in fact. In the second one the managing editor assumes a bit more of the blame for what amounts to woefully inadequate reporting. What is sad is that sensationalism and dedication to The Story precluded dedication to The Truth and may leave more victims of rape fearful and reluctant to come forward.
I recently attended TEDx Charlottesville and one of the speakers, Yael Melamede is a documentary filmmaker currently working with behavioral economist, Dan Ariely on ‘The (Dis)Honesty Project.” This project includes a feature film, “(Dis)Honesty – The Truth About Lies” and a traveling “exhibit” called The Truth Box. The latter was featured at the Charlottesville TEDx event. If you dare, you can enter, sit down and tell the truth about a lie you’ve told, all of which is captured on film. I was too chicken to go in, but it did get me thinking about one I told in college. So, friends, this column will be my “truth box.”
To somewhat assuage my guilt of having gone to boarding school (I grew up Catholic by the way), I wanted to earn my keep in college as my parents paid for that tuition too. I decided to be a Resident Assistant at UVa as well as a dishwasher at The New Deli, which was so far from campus, I don’t think my friends believed I actually worked there. During the summers I “worked” as a whitewater raft guide in Harper’s Ferry, WV and later in central Colorado. I had a deep fascination for the river, its extraordinary beauty…and power. Still do.
There was a major flood in November 1985 and crazily enough, I wanted to go see the river in all its “glory,” not to mention watch my fellow guides who were brave enough to kayak the Shenandoah and Potomac Rivers at flood stage.
To get out of my shift at the deli, I told the owners, a husband and wife team, that something had “come up at home.” They of course thought it was something of a personal and quite serious nature– not the, well, river levels. I suppose it’s not the worst lie in the world, but I have carried it with me TO THIS DAY, and if I knew how to reach Sally, I’d like to finally come clean. (I can no longer do so with Ken, who was killed in a small plane crash some years later.)
Consider several quotes from The (Dis)honesty Project’s website which resonated with me and just “sit” with them- if you choose to:
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”- Winston Churchill.
“A half-truth is a whole lie.” – Yiddish proverb.
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain.
“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.” – Robert Louis Stevenson.
“We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.” – Eric Hoffer.
“Lying is like alcoholism. You are always recovering.” – Steven Soderbergh.
Interestingly, I “happened” to revisit a passage by Frederick Buechner entitled “Alcoholics Anonymous” at the end of which he suggests that, essentially, wouldn’t it be great if churches were places like AA meetings where you “find strangers – who are not strangers – to help and to heal, to listen to the truth and to tell it.” How simple. Wouldn’t it be great if we would all listen to the truth and tell it – in our churches, families, schools, businesses…in the media? (Don’t get me started.)
One of my consistent prayers over nearly 3 1/2 years has been to be dedicated to the truth, not my version of it. And to my children I have attempted to be as transparent as is appropriate given each of their ages. As for them? I have attempted to remind them that honesty – as the old adage goes – is the best policy, and it is far better to make deposits into the “trust bank.”
We all have lied at some point and, perhaps, continue to do so. Telling “harmless” white lies may not lead to money laundering, but it’s something to humbly ponder! As for me I will ever-so- imperfectly try to be a Truth Seeker and a Truth Teller with my words and actions. I will succeed, and I will fail. But one thing I can offer you with confidence is that the truth is not “hungry.” It actually nourishes, ultimately protects, and according to a timeless passage in scripture…
It will indeed set you free.
– Caroline Watkins
