Several weeks ago, around a dinner table with friends, the question was asked, “What are you most afraid of?” The common things came up – heights, small spaces, the unknown, loneliness, disappointing others. As the conversation continued, the topic shifted to men and women who have lived before us and who followed Jesus all the days of their lives. As some of those individuals got up in years, several of them said or did things that seemed to be contrary to their faith in Jesus. For some of us, the greatest fear we have is that we will do or say something that will ruin our reputation or disgrace our family. Some live in fear of being disqualified from heaven because of something you might do in the future.
What is at the heart of the fear of disgracing your family or disqualifying yourself from heaven? Part of that fear is rooted in a healthy desire to please God – a commendable quality in anyone. Though I believe there is another side to this fear. A part that is rooted in a self-centered view of one’s relationship with God. At its root is a focus on my faithfulness to Jesus rather than Jesus’ faithfulness to me. This is a focus that has plagued followers of Jesus from the beginning. Take the apostle Peter’s words to Jesus at the Last Supper. Peter said he would NEVER disown Jesus. Peter was more focused on how capable he was to remain faithful to Jesus. He didn’t see that Jesus’ faithfulness to Him was what mattered most. His self-reliance and his dependence upon his ability to be faithful lead him to desert the very one he loved.
If Peter had been at that dinner party several weeks ago, I think he might have smiled and said, “Friends, I can see how you would have concern about disqualifying yourselves or disgracing your name. Church history is filled with countless tales like that, mine included. Yet to use the fear of disgrace or disqualification to motivate us to be faithful is not the way of the gospel. There is a much deeper question you must ask and that is, ‘How am I relying on myself to secure the comfort I desire, the joy I seek, the satisfaction I want?’ Friends, it is our self-reliance, our dependence upon ourselves that is at the root of our failures and shameful actions. The question isn’t, ‘How can I avoid disgracing Jesus?’ but rather, ‘How will I respond WHEN I do?’
When we find that we are depending upon ourselves for our spiritual life, we are exposed as the inadequate, ill-equipped and faithless people scripture teaches us we are. The question is how do we respond? There are several ways for us to respond but one response is reserved exclusively for those who know Jesus! If you are not a Christian you need to understand that when you fail to meet the standard you have set for others and yourself you really only have two options available to you. You can either deny you have not met the standards, either by adjusting the standard or lying about meeting it. The other option is to recognize that you did not meet the standard…again, and feel remorse, grief and despair for your failure. What you cannot do is repent. Apart from a relationship with Christ, repentance is not possible.
Now, for those who are in Christ you have the opportunity to repent. It is because of Christ’s death and resurrection that repentance is not only possible but we are told that it is a gift of his grace. The only difference between Peter’s betrayal of Jesus and Judas’ betrayal is that Peter repents. As Donald English expressed it, “[Peter] had the grace to break down and weep. There might be a chance for him [and us].” On writing about Peter’s betrayal Sinclair Ferguson wrote, “Peter was without excuse, and in the mercy of Christ he realized it…he looked across the courtyard and met the eyes of Jesus…he saw in those eyes not condemnation but compassion. That was the turning point in his life…Peter saw himself as he really was, repented, and was remade into the great apostle.”
So what is biblical repentance? What does it look like? What does it involve? In short, repentance means to turn one’s direction from death to life, from foolishness to wisdom, from despair to hope. It is the way of the Christian life.
I have found it helpful to remember three things about repentance. First, it begins with confessing in our minds and then with our lips that we have blown it. We have sinned. In confession we are agreeing with God in our minds and with our lips. Second, biblical repentance involves contrition. Contrition simply means allowing the weight of our sin and its consequences lead us to grieve our actions. It does not sound like, “It is not your fault, I misunderstood” or, “I am sorry but I was angry or tired.” There is no BUT in contrition, no excuses, no blame-shifting. True contrition says, “I did it. I take full responsibility for my actions. My heart is broken because of what I have done, please forgive me.” Finally, biblical repentance leads to a change in what we desire and what we actually do. The gospel invites every one of us to come as we are but beware, the gospel will not permit any of us to stay as we are. It is a call to change; it will demand change. Jesus will relentlessly lead us to be transformed.
If you are a believer today, is your life marked by repentance? Jesus came and died because he knew our self-reliance would lead us to betray him. He was faithful because we are not and through his faithfulness we have the hope of salvation. We come to faith through repentance and belief; we remain in the faith through ongoing repentance and belief. The question isn’t, “How can I avoid dishonoring Jesus?” but rather, “How will I respond WHEN I do?”
Ed Dunnington is the Senior Pastor at Christ the King Presbyterian Church in Roanoke. Visit their website at www.ctkroanoke.org.
