The funeral is over and family and friends who came to express their condolences have turned their attention to other matters. Loneliness and mixed feelings of anger, guilt and fear intrude on your mind and you hesitate to burden your friends with your needs. Or, the decision to divorce has been made; you change your address and struggle with emotions that overflow. Your friends hesitate to bring up the subject, and you feel isolated and rejected. Or, you lose your job and face an uncertain future. Your pastor has counseled you, but now must turn his/her attention to others in need. As one person commented, “I know God is with me always, but I need someone with skin on!”
Several local churches have trained people — “with skin on” — who provide ongoing Christian care giving for those experiencing difficult times in their lives. Stephen Ministry is available at Raleigh Court Presbyterian Church, (where I am a Stephen Leader), and also at Westhampton Christian Church, Greene Memorial United Methodist Church, and St. John Lutheran Church. For the past ten years I have observed restored hope and self confidence to those who are served, and the spiritual growth of those dedicated to serving.
Founded in 1975 by an ordained pastor and clinical psychologist, the Rev. Dr. Kenneth Haugk, who serves as executive director, Stephen Ministries St. Louis is a not-for-profit, trans-denominational, religious and educational organization. The name “Stephen” is for St. Stephen, the first layperson commissioned by the Apostles to minister to those in need (Acts 6).
Once a church decides to become a member of the Stephen Series, it sends interested men and women who have gifts for serving for intensive week-long training to learn how to train Stephen Ministers in their own congregations. Leader’s Training Courses are offered several times each year at various cities throughout the United States. The purpose of these LTCs is “to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ.” (Eph. 4:12) The LTCs are attended by members of many Christian denominations in the United States, Canada and 23 other countries.
Stephen Leaders return to their own churches where they provide training for Stephen Ministers, through a series of classes — fifty hours of instruction. These classes focus on listening skills, confidentiality, the need to be non-judgmental, and other special skills necessary for the one-to-one weekly visits they will have with their care receivers. They are asked to make a two-year commitment, although they serve longer if they wish. Their relationships will last as long as necessary to meet the care receivers’ needs. Sometimes a few visits suffice; in a few situations, dedicated Stephen Ministers have provided care for years.
Stephen Ministers also come together for regular supervision to insure accountability and to provide peer support for each other. Even in these meetings strict confidentiality is observed, with no names revealed, as they discuss ways to enrich their relationships with their care receivers. Confidentiality is vital if care receivers are to feel free to express their true feelings. This time is also used for continued education with reading and discussion and special presentations from community agencies to give insight into services available for care receivers.
Stephen Ministers are not counselors, and do not give advice, although they may suggest alternatives for consideration. Their purpose is to offer a listening ear and spiritual support through prayer for and with the care receiver, with the person’s consent.
Members of the congregation are urged to suggest Stephen ministry to friends who are experiencing problems and would benefit from the ministry. Pastors also suggest this as a resource for those who are hurting. However, the decision to receive this care is up to the individual. Sometimes it is difficult to accept our need, but all of us at some time have such needs.
Raleigh Court Presbyterian Church Stephen Ministry provides an additional service for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Dr. Haugk wrote a series of four booklets, Journeying Through Grief, which are designed to meet particular needs of the grieving person at various periods during the first year after a loss. These booklets are distributed by the Stephen Ministers to those who have lost loved ones at various intervals – one month, three months, six months and eleven months after the death. Those who received the books say they helped them through that first year.
God is always with us – and sometimes he comes though the actions of “someone with skin on.”
By Mary Jo Shannon [email protected]