I have to start this article with a big praise to all of the folks who coordinated the “Diamond Dash” in downtown Roanoke on Saturday. If you are unfamiliar with this, it was a scavenger hunt through downtown Roanoke with 500 of your closest friends. The winning couple walked away with a ,000 Ritani diamond ring. At this point two facts need to be shared: Yes, my wife and I participated in the hunt and No, we did not win the ring. The whole experience did however make for a wonderful afternoon.
When we first arrived we really did not know what to expect. As we saw the other couples arriving, it was clear that it was not our typical peer group. Actually, upon reflection, the bike I was riding was older than most of the couples in the hunt. While we had attitude and wisdom, we were clearly outmatched by agility and the ability to text messages without concentrating on every letter and not knowing where to find correct punctuation symbols. Actually, I am still not sure where to find those on my cell phone and I want to know what the heck a droid is. Oh, there were a few others in the “cell phones weren’t invented until I was in college crowd”, but the majority were young “whipper snappers” as my wife so affectionately referred to them. Our claim to fame is that when all was said and done we actually held our own and finished much closer to the top than the bottom of the pack.
While we were both amazed that no one was killed running and riding around through downtown traffic (there really isn’t much on Saturday afternoon), the real highlight was the experience of doing something new and exciting with each other. Now, this does not mean that my wife and I lead boring lives; it is that we live very routine lives. Routines in and of themselves are not a bad thing. The problem is when routines become entrenched, they become ruts.
An entrenched routine or rut is one that has little room for new experiences or adventures. It may well serve a purpose, but lacks excitement or intrigue. Let me give you a simple example. Most couples have three to four restaurants in their typical list of ”where to eat” when they go out. Everyone knows the menu and usually orders similar items each time they are out to dinner. Someone told me once that “what follows the same old restaurant and the same old food….. is the same old conversation.”
Now let’s compare this with a challenge I often give couples. I tell them for the next 6 months they are not allowed to eat at any restaurant more than one time and they cannot eat at a restaurant they have previously visited in the past 6 months.
While this sends sharp pains of panic in some, I often see the wheels begin to turn in the minds of others. I begin to hear comments like “Oh, we can go to that Thai place I keep hearing about” or “I love trying new things.” Yes, these are the same couples that have always been free to eat wherever they want, but they have been in a rut, they just had to be set free. Now they have to actually find new restaurants, read menus, try a bunch of new foods both good and bad…..they have to be adventurous.
When we engage in new, adventurous experiences with others, a unique bond is either created or strengthened. We have gone through something together, something novel, different, exciting. When you lose this in a marriage, things often become dry. Make sure you have space in your routines for a little adventure. It is even OK if the adventure is scheduled, it just has to happen every once in awhile. My wife and I are already excited about the next “Diamond Dash“……if I can just learn to text without requiring complete silence and cessation of all conversation and surrounding activity, we might have a chance.
Make a place for a little adventure in your life!
By Keith McCurdy [email protected]