If “parenting guru” John Rosemond were a politician, he would likely be slotted in the “Maverick” category; he is a psychologist by trade who may be in the business of putting his fellow psychologists out of business. Rosemond, whose syndicated “Parenting” column appears in over 200 papers nationwide, (including the Roanoke Times on Mondays) was in Roanoke last week to give two talks at the behest of Roanoke dentist Dr. Paul Henny, who recently attended one of Rosemond’s parenting workshops.
At the conferences, Henny was struck by the “relevance and timeliness” of Rosemond’s premises, which run counter to current popular culture—a culture which ostensibly would convince parents that “the child belongs on a pedestal—and their job is to please the child instead of the other way around.” Henny adds that Rosemond “gives me reassurance that my intuition on how to raise my three children is correct – and to not listen to what our culture is saying.”
At the first session, Henny introduced Rosemond by saying he had “tasked John with impacting the future of our families and communities – really the future of our children” by bringing his message to the Roanoke Valley. The first session focused on some of the history of parenting in the US, and provided many anecdotal examples of how this unfolded, while the second focused more specifically on how parents should discipline and set boundaries with their children.
At 62 and the grandfather of five, Rosemond calls himself “a man on a mission” which he dubs the “retro parenting revolution in America.” He points out that the decade of the 60s “left a completely different America; everything was changed about everything.” Before that time, everyone was basically in agreement as to how to raise children, and it was second nature—“something our great grandmothers just instinctively did.”
Since that time, Rosemond believes the psychology profession “has created more problems than it has solved, heavily contributing to the destruction of American culture”—hence his “maverick” status.
He points out that the crux of the problem is that parents are no longer providing leadership in raising their kids, and culturally, where there was once consensus, there is now confusion. By way of example, Rosemond points out that there are untold numbers of books published on how to raise children, each espousing something different.
True to his penchant for the comical, he observed that if all parenting books (assumed to be 1” thick) were stacked together, the column of books would be twice as tall as the tallest building in the world; he refers to this imaginary stack as “The Tower of Parent Babble.”
Rosemond also had a little fun denigrating all the “stuff” parents employ today, things like time-outs, star charts, and other means of bribery to attempt to change children’s behavior, which he says “in fact is not how you discipline a child.”
He also decries the habit today’s parents have of providing lengthy explanations as to why a child cannot do what he/she wants. “Stop giving explanations; explanations invite push-back.”
Mothers and fathers alike grabbed pen and paper when he added, “if you MUST provide explanations, I have approved only six,” which he added, can be used interchangeably—a testament to the fact that he believes that kids are not interested in explanations anyway; they only want to get their way. To prove this point to your child, he suggests putting the list on separate scraps of paper and keeping them in a handy fish bowl – choosing one whenever the need arises. The child will likely give up his battle once he realizes the futility of arguing.
The jarringly simple list of six: (Think: Letterman’s Top Ten List)
1. You’re not old enough
2. There’s not enough time
3. There’s not enough money
4. We don’t believe in that
5. It could hurt you
6. We don’t like those kids
He also observed that today in America, “we are not raising children; we are raising ‘modifiers.’” Rather than referring to them as a child, parents will often refer to their offspring as: “adopted, ADHD, OCD, bipolar, sensory integration disorder, gifted, and so on.” He urged that “we need to wake up in America to what has happened to us.”
Rosemond at times could have been channeling C.S. Lewis; he also has that slightly rumpled professorial air about him, yet he comes across as intellectually sharp as he espouses the spiritual underpinnings of his premises. “When God gave us children, He did not play a practical joke on us. The truth is written on your heart—the seed of intuition and common sense.” He adds that “child-rearing is not difficult if you have the right point of view.”
Perhaps a recent daily tidbit posted on Rosemond’s website (May 2) sums up the irony of our child-focused culture:
“The more parents try to make their children happy, the more they prevent their children from learning how to make, and keep, themselves happy.”
Dr. Rosemond is planning to conduct parent workshops in Roanoke in the near future. Contact Dr.Henny at [email protected] for details. For more information on John Rosemond, visit Rosemond.com
By Cheryl Hodges [email protected]