How is your New Year’s resolution going? Have you gotten back into the gym yet? Are you still avoiding that cup of coffee or dessert? Doesn’t it seem kind of silly, the things we attempt to change as the New Year unfolds? A young client commented recently “I can’t wait to see what my Mom and Dad try to change that they give up on in two weeks and then try to change again next year.”
During this past month I have had several conversations with children about resolutions. The question I asked received some really interesting answers. I asked, “What change would really make your life better?” Here are some of the responses. “If we had more family time”; “If Mom would stop yelling as much”; “If Dad were around more”; “Probably if my parents got rid of all of my video games”; “If I had a cell phone” (I think this one had an agenda behind it); “If I had more friends or if the ones I have were nicer”; “If we did more fun things together”; “If I wasn’t fussed at as much”.
Not one of the answers had anything to do with their parents losing weight or getting in better shape. Yes, there were the comments about giving away baby brothers and buying X-box games, but the overwhelming type of comments were about feeling loved in a family and healthy family relationships. Maybe we should ask if we are missing the point. If we are to really change something substantial in our lives for the New Year, let’s listen to the children.
In this column over the past two years I have written about loving each other, our kids, our spouses and so on. Guess what, this article is not that different. Instead of targeting just one behavior like hugs or kind words and the like, what if we had a daily overarching goal to consider all of our behavior.
Consider this passage written by the apostle Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Now ask yourself, Am I patient with my child or am I easily angered when they are not obedient? Am I kind or do I act rude when I get frustrated with my spouse? Am I humble or do I like to point out all of my great achievements? Do I forgive easily and often or do I like to keep track of how I have been wronged and remind others of how they have done this to me?……This is a tough passage and we can use it as a hammer to point out and nail home where we miss the boat or it can be used as an encouragement for how we can love those that we care about.
I recently read a devotional put together by a friend and colleague of mine. In it he challenged individuals to meditate on this passage to begin their day. Each morning read this passage and ask how you can apply it. How can I be kind today? How can I rejoice in the truth? How can I persevere? When our brain processes the same information repeatedly, that information becomes ingrained…….the key to learning is repetition.
So here is the 30 day challenge. Read these words each morning and evening for 30 days. To make it easier, put the passage on your fridge, but blow it up so that it can be read from more than 6 inches away. After 30 days, ask if it has impacted your life.
Now, to be quite honest, if it hasn’t, I would suggest that maybe your application was a little weak so try again for another 30 days. I predict that this will make a bigger impact on your fulfillment in life and the lives around you, than losing a few inches off your waistline. Have a great 2010!
By Keith McCurdy [email protected]