Readers:
A dad and I have been emailing recently. He’s extremely involved in his daughter’s recruiting. I believe he’s at the point where he may be pushing some coaches away! Here’s the most recent email that I received.
Hi Coach Houser,
There has still not been one word from Coach Z at ABC College. I even sent her another email requesting that she call or email my daughter, Doris, just to tell her exactly where she stands. I also sent her another video of Doris. And nothing. Do you know how many different ways I’ve tried to tell the coach that she needs my daughter on her team! Oh, well. Meantime, Coach M at JKL University the coach at XYZ College both say Doris is welcome to join their programs. The XYZ deal even includes $$$!! But Doris has her heart set on ABC. It blows my mind that this coach won’t have the courtesy to even say “buzz off”.
Hey Dad:
It’s great to hear from you. Wish you had better news to share with me.
My advice: Let it go. Let Doris do with all this what she wants.
Let me share some experiences and thoughts with you.
First, let’s look at this rejection from a player’s point of view.
One of my former players had her heart set on a division I school. But the school hadn’t really shown a lot of interest. They believed that she was too small. There’s nothing her parents could do. There was not a lot the player could do. And emailing, calling, mailing, and even stalking the coach isn’t the answer. If the coach isn’t interested, then he isn’t interested.
Dad, she may attend that Division I school and not be a part of the team. She may make the team, yet never play a minute. She may attend and play!!! She may attend a smaller school and play. But, Dad, it’s all up to her.
As coaches & parents, we’re just here to help, counsel and help pick up the pieces if there’s a crash; which, we do gladly.
Right now Doris has to make the same choices as my ex-player had to make:
Keep on trying to get that school to recruit her,
Go ahead and attend that school, and let the chips fall where they may, or;
Give up on that school and look for a different pond to splash in.
And it’s her choice. Not yours – hers.
Second, let’s look at this from the college coach’s point of view.
Coach Z may be making a mistake by not recruiting Doris. But, Dad, Coach Z has made up her mind. Two or three or fifty-three more emails won’t change her mind. She may not be receiving your emails because she may have blocked your address. However, if you continue to harass her, you may force her to dig her heals in even deeper. Or you turn the coach further against your daughter because she realizes that you and her are a package set! Let it go.
Well, you’re probably asking, “What SHOULD parents do to help their children?”
Hey, I’ve talked to several parents of Division I athletes and I’ve discovered that I could compile a list of twenty actions parents can do that are helpful, and about fifty actions that are not only useless, but could be detrimental. But are a few things that we all agreed upon. Parents should:
a) Send the daughter’s skills tape to any team’s coach that she may be interested in and start doing this as soon as the skills tape is completed. I did my stepdaughter’s first tape in the spring of her sophomore year and started sending it out immediately.
b) Encourage the child to reach out to college coaches & make inquiries.
c) Ask the child’s high school or club coach to help in this process. They’re input in more respected by college coaches that the parent’s bombardment.
d) Assist the child with setting limitations on college choices. For example, affordability, major, etc.
e) Counsel the child on the college that may be her “best fit”: rural/urban, big/small, miles from home, etc.
f) Help the child keep up with deadlines (applications, SAT’s, etc) and encourage the child to meet those deadlines (if they refuse, hey, it’s their future, not the parents!);
g) Provide the child with the opportunity to maintain their physical fitness: other sports, weight room, athletic club membership, etc.;
h) Encourage the child to ensure college coaches have her club schedule.
i) Encourage the child to send emails, texts, etc. to the college coaches that she maintains an interest in.
Finally
It really can’t be said enough – It’s up to her. You be there to help, encourage, support, remind. But she has to make the final decision, and she has to live with it.
Tom Houser
Head Coach, 2009 Roanoke Juniors 16’s National
Director, STAR Volleyball Camps JOVC Qualified in 2006 and in 2009
www.coachhouser.com