Every poll from Gallup to Pew Research Group confirms that anger is engulfing America.
We are angrier now than ever before, and what makes it worse is that our anger is not healthy. It is largely insalubrious, destructive anger, the kind associated with hypertension, heart disease, stroke, rage, a host of mental disorders, and unhappiness.
Anger, an intricate emotion typified by sensations of annoyance, irritation, hostility, and displeasure, constitutes a natural reaction to perceived threats, injustices, or frustrations.
Anger is a healthy, normal emotion when it is expressed in a reasonable manner, achieves a rational objective, is timely, appropriate, short-lived, and does no irreparable harm.
There are degrees of anger from mild to severe. Rage, anintense and uncontrolled anger, can lead to aggressive behavior.
While mental illness can be linked to aggression, those receiving effective treatment are no more violent than the general population.
Thus far, I have told you nothing new. From 2 years of age to “mean old man,” we all live with anger in our lives and under our roof. We see, hear, and feel it from those we love the most.
If you are like me, you do not like conflict. Anger, whether within me or around me, is scary. Of course, we have heard about the “Fight or Flight” reaction to stress. It is a natural reflex: we either stand our ground and defend it, or we run away from the threat as fast as we can or change the subject quickly.
There is a middle choice between “Fight of Flight.” It is Negotiate. Highly skillful negotiation is the preferred alternative whenever possible. I share a situation where negotiation was not an alternative.
To Winkie Marable, a seventh-grade student at James Madison Elementary School, Norfolk, Virginia, I was an appealing sixth-grade student target for bullying. To his credit, Winkie was punctual: every day after school, Winkie waited for me, taunting me to “knock this block off my shoulder.” If I complied with his request, I would immediately know the power of his fists as they landed on my face. If I refused Winkie’s request, I would have been an acknowledged coward, a label I would have preferred to possible disfigurement.
The monotony of the unchanging scenario would soon have ended the ritual for anyone other than Winkie. It occurred daily for a year.
Even now, I can sense the relief when Winkie graduated to Blair Junior High School. I was free of this angry, unhappy chap, I thought. I was wrong. Somehow, Winkie maintained his routine and was back at his post with the same inane invitation.
On a particular occasion, for reasons unknown to me, I chose to stand firm. I did not knock the block off Winkie’s shoulder. I tore into him as if I were the Heavy Weight Champion of the World. My blows fell on a fragile frame. He was no fighter at all. I did not like what I had to do. We both lived in the same blue-collar neighborhood, but I never saw Winkie again.
Many decades later, something like being bullied remains a big part of my life around me. Anger is palpable. Anger is like the “original sin.” It has an important role in disobedience, defiance, protest, deceit, arrogance, pride of the unhealthy type, narcissism, selfishness, impatience, road rage, waiting, andeven intolerance for burned toast.
The media often angers me. My closest friends advised me not to watch the news, a previously informative and interesting hour, sacrificed for mental health.
Anger and impatience are first-cousins. We are a fast moving people. A well known bank, adopting procedures to match their out of breath bankers, observed, “Patience may be a virtue, but it is no longer a reality.” We are appropriately identified as “insanely impatient.” The bank surveyed their clients.
96% of Americans knowingly ingest extremely hot food or beverages that cause oral burns, with 63% engaging in this behavior frequently.
More than half of those surveyed hung up the phone after being on hold for one minute or less.
71% frequently exceed the speed limit to get to their destination faster.
Americans will binge-watch an average of seven TV episodes in a single sitting.
The fast, every-second counts thepace we “live” is like rushing to put out a fire, but we don’t know where the fire is burning.
If anger and impatience are rampant in our culture, one would hope that forgiveness is at an all-time high, but there are problems with forgiveness as well.
Karen Cyphers, PhD, Sachs Media, conducted a poll on forgiveness. Her findings justify a somewhat hopeful reflection.
“Each fall before Yom Kippur, forgiveness and atonement are considered: Who can I ask for forgiveness? What resentments can I let go of?”
Her survey asked, “Which is easier – asking for forgiveness or giving it?” Nearly 72% said it’s easier to give than ask.
For those older than 55, 80% say forgiving is easier than asking, compared to 68% of those younger than 55. This may suggest that forgiveness becomes easier with age or that admitting mistakes is harder. No group finds asking for forgiveness easier.
When asked what makes it hard to ask for forgiveness, 53% mentioned “difficulty finding the right words,” followed by not wanting to reopen wounds (48%), fear of not being forgiven (32%), difficulty admitting wrongdoing (30%), and fear of feeling weak (10%). Different emotions make forgiving others challenging.
Over half of people struggle with forgiveness due to fear of being hurt again (53%) or lingering anger (51%). A third (34%) don’t want the other person to feel absolved, while 19% want to retain the right to feel angry later. Only 14% avoid forgiveness for fear of appearing weak or foolish.
Overall, these findings indicate that people generally desire to forgive and be forgiven without feeling weak or foolish.
There are valid reasons to avoid seeking or giving forgiveness. Finding the right words and reflection, perhaps during a holiday, could help.
Scholars tell us that people are falling away from Christianity in the US. Many of these are identifying themselves as “spiritual but not religious.”
For Christians here and around the world, Holy Week is celebrated as one of its holiest period of the year. Good Friday, renown for the crucifixion of Jesus, a flawless sacrificial lamb whose blood washes away the sins of those whose faith and obedience are expressed in Him. Easter Sunday marks the tomb left empty by Jesus who has risen from death.
In J.D. Ryle’s Holiness, 1879, he wrote: “If you do not love Christ, let me tell you plainly what is the reason. You have no sense of debt to Him. You have no feeling of obligation to Him. This being the case, it is not likely, it is not probable, it is not reasonable that you should love Him.
“There is but one remedy for this state of things. The remedy is self-knowledge and the teaching of the Holy Spirit. The eyes of your understanding must be opened. You must find out what you are by nature. You must discover the grand secret—your guilt and emptiness in God’s sight.”
We learn from the Bible that the best way to handle anger is to “speak the truth in love,” hold no grudges, settle disagreements ASAP, and a “soft answer” turns away wrath. This is an incomplete biblical offering on anger.
In the book of Psalms, we are assured that God is our shepherd. He does not lead us into our rat race. He leads us beside the still waters and restores our souls.
Atonement, reparation for a wrong or injury, in Christian theology it is reconciliation of God and humankind through Jesus Christ.
For those who say they are “spiritual but not religious,” kindly let me remind you that our spiritual needs are ravenous and must be fed the truth or they unknowingly become bulimic on lies. A spiritual life fed on lies is miserable and far from a fulfilling.
“Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near.” Isaiah 55:6.
Robert S. Brown, MD, PHD a retired Psychiatrist, Col (Ret) U.S. Army Medical Corps devoted the last decade of his career to treating soldiers at Fort Lee redeploying from combat. He was a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Professor of Education at UVA. His renowned Mental Health course taught the value of exercise for a sound mind.