Empathy can collapse on itself, just as judgment or toleration or what we call unconditional love. At some point we fail to empathize with those being hurt by the one we are standing with.
And it gets messy.
We want to feel right. Empathy for the hurting is right. We overlook the lashing out because “the painful scream is the righteous voice of the suffering.” Those hurt by blame with a broad brush? Well, “You have to break eggs to make an omelet.” And, “If they can’t come alongside and see all the wrong I suffered then they’re part of the problem!”
We all need empathy. But we also need someone to hold us to account, not coddle reaction and validate the offended soul with no solution in sight. To the hurting all who don’t see as they see can seem as hurters. They are not. Yet, so often, in their quiet, steady, responsible ways they are maligned, when empathy for them may well be in order. They often suffer in silence, praying the pain of the other will find healing.
Maybe – maybe – the path forward for the hurting soul is to remember “hurt people hurt people” and to pray for grace to feel for the suffering soul that hurt them. The seesaw has to stop, the endless reciprocity. All have been hurt, all have hurt others. The only way to stop “an eye for an eye” is to let Jesus heal, and to become a healer in turn.
Help us, Lord, to live in the more excellent way: “love never fails.”
Randy Huff and his wife lived for 5 years in Roanoke (Hollins) where they raised 2 sons. Randy served as Dean of Students at a Christian school and then worked in construction. For the last 9 years he has served as pastor of a church in North Pole, Alaska.
