Wild Bill’s Sports Roundup!

Bill Turner

Like a runaway train.

That’s the excitement surrounding last month’s announcement of a blockbuster takeoff of the ABC 1970 spy spoof “Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp”, with our own journalistic version dubbed “Lancelot Chief, Investigative Reporter.” Talking chimps with our blue ribbon staff doing voiceovers for our agency STAR (Strategic Team for Accurate Reporting). Our leading man….The Chief.

Readers have chimed in and the questions have poured in. Some have asked for auditions, others have claimed they can imitate chimpanzees with decorum and are naturals in front of a camera. Oh, brother.

The unparalleled exuberance has even filtered down from the executive penthouse where rumor has it that The Chief has made inquiries into getting a “Star” on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

For those unfamiliar with that sidewalk on Hollywood Blvd. and Vine Street in Los Angeles, there’s over 2,600 5-pointed terrazzo and bronze starts celebrating the greatest performers in five categories: motion pictures, TV, radio, recording and theater. Gene Autry is the only person having a star in all 5 categories, Bob Hope and Roy Rogers have 4, and Jack Benny along with Frank Sinatra are among 33 with 3 stars. Even Donald Trump and Godzilla have one. And, now, The Chief goes for #1. Yes, you always learn something when you read this column.

The first star appeared in 1960 and today the walk is visited by over 10 million people annually. Plus, it will only set The Chief back $40,000, which covers installation and perpetual maintenance. The sports crew calculated that’s less that 1 cent of cost for every two viewers. Cheap publicity with splendid circulation for sure. We’re on a roll.

We’ve also heard The Chief wants his footprints in cement around Grauman’s Chinese Theater and an appetizer dish named Chief’s Chu-Chu Platter. I haven’t had the nerve to point out to him Grauman’s is a movie theater and not a Chinese restaurant. We may need General Tso and his chicken to calm all this down.

Now, we move to the heart of local sports where a review of the midpoint of high school football is in order, a local sports club meeting with a popular guest is set, the countdown to ice hockey sits on the horizon and a requisite trip to the mail bag uncovers some odd inquiries.

“Big-11” high school football hit the midpoint of the season last Friday night and we’ve got 3 teams still undefeated heading into October. Northside and Glenvar lead the way with perfect 6-0 records, while Roanoke Catholic moved to 4-0 after an off week and postponement slowed their number of wins.

William Byrd checks in as the only 1 loss team at 5-1, while teams with two losses include Patrick Henry (3-2), Lord Botetourt (4-2) and North Cross (4-2).

Cave Spring sits at 2-3 after last Friday’s bye week, Salem moved to 3-3 after a win at Chriistiansburg stopped a 3-game Spartan losing streak and Hidden Valley posts a 1-5 record heading to the stretch run. William Fleming remains winless at 0-5.

Heated district play faces teams in the second half with everyone looking for position to secure postseason play in November.

One of the most popular guests in the history of The Roanoke Valley Sports Club takes to the podium for the Monday, October 15th meeting at the Salem Civic Center when NCAA basketball referee Roger Ayers entertains members and guests with stories and predictions for the upcoming season. Get the inside scoop and ask your questions to Roger. A social starts at 5:45, dinner follows at 6:15, with the program beginning at 7:00 p.m. sharp. Visit the sports club website at www.roanokevalleysportsclub.com to make reservations and purchase tickets. Questions, call Maggie Drewry at 540-353-1103.

The countdown is less than 30 days away for the drop of the first puck for the Roanoke Rail Yard Dawgs third season in the Southern Professional Hockey League. Roanoke opens on the road on Friday, October 19th at Fayetteville before returning the next night, Saturday, October 20th, to the Berglund Center home ice to take on Knoxville. Fayetteville completes the October home dates at Berglund when they come visiting Friday, October 26th.

Finally to the mail bag where hopeful performers want to get in the show and one guy asks for an opinion on Virginia Tech’s loss to Old Dominion.

Dear Wild Bill: I was riveted to last month’s picture of The Chief and you racing to a breaking news story in Lancelot Chief. But, which of you were driving that car?  (Murray/Roanoke).

The Chief was driving the red convertible in his signature fedora and 10 o’clock-2 o’clock hand position behind the steering wheel. I was riding shotgun, glancing toward the babes along the sidewalk. C’mon Murray, you could have figured that out.

Dear ACC football Guru: Any conclusions on Virginia Tech’s 49-35 loss to ODU? (Cecil/Blacksburg).

Yep, Cecil, a couple. Tech lost to ODU by 14, ODU lost to Liberty by 42 and Liberty lost to North Texas State by 40. Thus, I conclude Tech should not schedule North Texas State. Second, the VT blue ribbon defense looked more like a flat Pabst Blue Ribbon. Sorry, Cecil, a way overrated team to this point. But, things can change.

Dear Mr. Bill: My husband is a perfect fit for “Lancelot Chief-Investigative Reporter”. Will The Star be holding auditions? (Laverne/Troutville).

You weren’t specific, Laverne. Is he a fit because of his voice….or his looks?

Until next time, Hollywood is calling. And, the cement for The Chief’s footprints is ready to pour. It’s California or bust for The Chief and myself.

Bill Turner

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