I heard this expression for the first time in a business development class I’m taking at my real estate company and cracked up as I have many times throughout the class.It was in the context of Realtors who come into an upmarket and enjoy success yet as soon as interest rates climb, inventory swells or the economy slows, they don’t have the attitude, habits and skills to survive. The teacher, Brian Buffini, also suggested that peaks and valleys in the market are the “same monster” to him. Fascinating.
The first part of what he said got me thinking about the storms of life and how they can swallow us up or help us develop wings, much better than turkeys can by the way. This led me to consider that many of the challenges we face are in the “fiery furnace of real human interaction” (another expression from class).
The second part of what he said got me thinking about what happens to us not only in the “peaks” of our business lives but in our personal ones – complacency and inattention to what really matters – as evidenced by the smallest choices we make each and every day which, in fact, make the biggest difference.
Whichever metaphor you prefer, storm or fiery furnace, regarding human relationships that is, what greater instrument of “quieting” is there than forgiveness?
Frederick Buechner writes: “To forgive somebody is to say one way or another, ‘You have done something unspeakable, and by all rights I should call it quits between us. Both my pride and my principles demand no less. However, although I make no guarantees that I will be able to forget what you’ve done, and although we may both carry the scars for life, I refuse to let it stand between us. I still want you for my friend.’ “
And we are called not only to forgive but be forgiven. Do we utter the Lord’s Prayer with any degree of sincerity, honestly? Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. For heaven’s sake, it took me YEARS to learn to say “debt” and “debtors” in the Presbyterian Church. I was so tripped up, I couldn’t possibly pray this with my whole heart! Nevertheless, Buechner continues that the same pride which prevents us from asking for forgiveness, prevents us from receiving it. I know this to be true. I have an experience I’d like to share.
Sunday morning I woke up with tears in my eyes and the conviction to ask forgiveness from a friend. For a long time my deep hurt informed my sense of self righteousness and justification. Something miraculous happened, however, in the process of my surrender- the swallowing of pride yielded unexpected compassion.
It has been said that it is not hate, but indifference, that is the opposite of love. I urge you . . . if there is anyone in your life who has wronged you – whether that person is under the same roof or halfway across the country, whether 18 or 80 – overcome indifference, make the first move and ask to be forgiven for your part.
You don’t know if you will have tomorrow. You don’t know if they will either.
It has also been said that prayer doesn’t change God, it changes us.
And guess what . . . So does forgiveness.
– Caroline Watkins
