“It is summer and I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to”…..I was told by a ten year old boy the other day. Actually, I have heard about twenty different versions of this over the past few weeks by many children. In many of these cases parents have been struggling all school year to get these same kids to do their chores, finish their homework, turn off the video games, go to bed, etc. and now the pressure is off. As one parent commented recently, “I don’t have to worry about any of those things for three months, whew”. Quite frankly, many parents are more relieved than the kids that summer is finally here.
I fully agree, summer should be filled with fun, staying up late, going to the pool, vacations…. but let’s not miss a great opportunity to do a little fine tuning with our kids, or really our parenting. In summer we have a wonderful time to more firmly impress the “cause and effect” mechanism in our children. I used to look forward to summer breaks as much as the next kid. I wanted to go to the pool, play basketball, and in general just goof off….and I did.
Yet to this day I still remember the beginning of several summers when my mother would have a dump-truck load of mulch dumped…..under my basketball goal….without my permission. The message was clear. You want to play basketball, you move the mulch. Yes, our parents were clearly more intelligent than we ever knew.
Ask yourself this question: Do you and your spouse do something for the general upkeep and functioning of the home every day that benefits everyone in it? Why shouldn’t your kids? I have asked this question often over the past months to several kids and none have disagreed with it. They understand the logic, they just don’t like it. In summer we have the opportunity, without the distraction of school, to teach cause and effect very simply. Require daily service of your kids.
The motivation is there in the form of freedom, the pool, or just goofing off. Just put things in their way. It can be as simple as a list on the fridge each day with requirements that need to be taken care of before anyone goes to the pool, has a friend over, goes to the movies, etc. Yes, this means that little Johnny has to take out the trash and clean the bathroom before he gets to do what he wants. It is great to give freedom, just require service first.
By requiring service over the summer we begin to address the underlying issues related to most school-year problems like homework and chore avoidance. When children are required to serve, they don’t typically like it, but they get over it. They learn that how they feel about it really doesn’t matter. Children begin to expect to have responsibilities that are followed by privileges and freedom and, more importantly, they learn that when a parent says you have to do ____, they will back it up.
Without an expectation of service or obligation, our children become entitled. They develop an expectation of freedom and privilege just because they want it. It used to be that we required much of our children with some freedom and privilege given. Now it seems that we are expected to provide much freedom and privilege without obligation. Challenging this message is one of the biggest cultural battles a family can face and yet it is nothing new. There is much truth in the apostle Paul’s writing that “the one who is unwilling to work shall not eat”.
Challenge your children to do a little service to the family this summer. It can go a long way in making the return to school a bit healthier.
