As we enter the final months of the year – I always seem to go into an evaluative state of mind – a sort of “value assessment” of my life and the people in it. How have I spent my time? Has it been productive or destructive? Who have I spent my time with? Have they added to the burden or lightened the load? Looking forward – how can I learn from my successes and failures to increase the quality of life for me — and those around me?
The past 2 years in particular have been cause for great reflection. A move to a new city where I knew nobody and was miles from the nearest family; the struggle to keep 2 small businesses afloat – in an undervalued industry and in the face of a crashing economy; the realization that at 40 years old there really IS a biological clock; the overwhelming sense that accomplishments are few and failures are many; and the revolving realization that people – even your friends — are not always out for your best interest.
On the other hand…I’ve remained healthy & strong; traveled nearby & abroad; heard wonderful music & soaring voices; seen spectacular art & nature’s beauty; met interesting people and learned from their wisdom; known the un-measurable love of dogs; and seen the grace and triumph of the human spirit. There are certainly lessons in all of it.
Recently, a friend lent me a documentary about Bill Withers – the soulful and sincere songwriter who brought us ‘Ain’t No Sunshine,” “Lean On Me” and many others. The film chronicles his experience of being a child with a “stutter” raised in the coal country of West Virginia – to the influence of being an African-American child before and during the Civil Rights Era – to the impact of an unjust music industry in the 1970’s – to the simple joys of being a husband, father and friend. It left me speechless.
As I watched the story of this amazing human unfold – I was caught by his unparalleled eloquence and philosophical perspective on music; friends; family; being “wronged;” being fortunate; being thoughtful; and the many seasons of life. There was an honesty and straight -forwardness in his delivery that I suspect would be hard to take at times. But to me – it was the exact reality that I needed in this time of reflection and assessment. There were three simple messages that resonated so profoundly – they stopped me in my tracks:
We are most influenced by those who nurtured us. That may come in the form of a parent, teacher, sibling, mentor, grandparent, neighbor or friend. Recognize who those people are and honor them.
For the most part, people do not – and will not — care who you are or what you accomplish. When you accept that reality…you’ll have energy to spare.
And last, but most important of all…. Value those who value you and the wind of life will be at your back.
By Stephanie Koehler [email protected]
