Slow your contraption down, Mr. Seeberger, I’m walking like The Mummy.
Many readers have recently asked why I was walking like The Mummy.
I’m ready to come clean to avoid speculation about adult beverages. In mid-February I suffered a sprained ankle after a bad fall against a commode. Not to be outdone, I followed that up with a torn Achilles after snowmobiling in Montana.
As a result, I’ve been walking sideways with limited balance, and it’s quite a carnival sideshow when I get around Seeberger’s signature invention, the escalator.
Grab at the handrail, hit the moving step, then basically fall off at the other end.
Quit laughing.
Seeberger’s original contraption had no combs on its steps, virtually necessitating every rider to fall off sideways at the end. Yes, you always learn something in this column.
One guy at the Minneapolis airport told me I would look just like The Mummy if I was wrapped in gauze. Quite a wise guy.
At least this adventure has gotten me off the hook for The Chief’s spring cleanup crew at corporate headquarters. But, he won’t let me off the hook on anything else, so we better get right to sports.
Congratulations go out to a number of ‘Big-11’ basketball players who earned All-State honors from the VHSL.
GROUP 2A Girls All-State First Team: Haley Green, Glenvar
GROUP 3A Girls All-State First Team: Drew Freeland, Hidden Valley (also Player of the Year)
GROUP 3A Girls All-State Second Team: Hailey Singleton, Hidden Valley / Molly Hassell, Lord Botetourt
GROUP 4A Girls All-State First Team: Malury Bates, William Fleming / Qwonneshia King, William Fleming
GROUP 3A Boys All-State First Team: Kendrick Tucker, Northside / Brody Hicks, Cave Spring
GROUP 3A Boys All-State Second Team: Mason Reyer, Cave Spring
GROUP 4A Boys All-StateFirst Team: Damon Childress, William Byrd
GROUP 4A Boys All-State Second Team: Tyrell Adams, William Fleming
The Roanoke Valley Sports Club welcomes The Voice of the Hokies, Jon Laaser, as its guest speaker for the Monday, April 18th meeting at the Salem Civic Center. The social gets started at 5:45 followed by the dinner meeting at 6:00. Interested guests and prospective new members are invited. Contact Maggie Drewry at 540-353-1103 for information and to purchase tickets.
Finally, we take a look at this edition’s Late Night Product Review. Notice how The Chief likes me to have a flow in this column like Vermont syrup.
We bring you “The Mummy Sleeping Bag.”
Although independent reviews vary widely on this campfire comforter, most complaints on The Mummy center around just how high the temperature has to be for this thing to keep you warm. At least one comment says it’s a great camping device if you’re looking to make your spouse more comfortable on a camping outing. There’s also disagreement over the predominant color, gray or orange. I have no idea the importance of color at midnight in the woods.
I’m giving The Mummy sleeping bag a neutral rating. Positive for the outdoorsman aspect, but negative on any notion of pleasing our significant others.
Let’s face it, most of us will go screaming into the night if anyone tries to lure us into a bag with “The Mummy” embroidered on it.
Until next time, wrap your comments in a small sarcophagus and send them to [email protected].
