Let It Go

Caroline Watkins
Caroline Watkins

This is, of course, the title of the most famous song in “Frozen” – a movie I took my two youngest daughters to, which underwhelmed me yet turned out to be the highest grossing animated film of all time. What do I know?

It does, however, provide a segue into my own hard-fought battle with letting go.

Not surprisingly I want to tell you a story, two actually, which brought me to the place where I finally managed to do so. I thought I had let go of a particular situation yet I had only given lip service to doing so – as well as to detaching from the outcome. What I had done in practice was to hold on for dear “life” and only loosen what amounted to a “death grip” on the outcome.

In fact a “trigger” very recently brought this reality to my attention. I received a phone call at work which sent me into a proverbial tail spin. So much so I went into a bit of a catatonic state, staggered outside of my office right past a co-worker – who I did not acknowledge in any way, shape or form – and eventually to the water cooler. I’m not sure why I thought the latter destination would be helpful.

It wasn’t. So I did an about face back to my office, firmly shut the door and proceeded to, let’s just say, talk rather loudly at the person on the other end of the phone. After hanging up, I realized that my over-active imagination – and ultimately not having truly let go – transformed what would have been a pleasant phone call into a disastrous one.

Later that day, before apologizing to the person on the phone, I felt led to do so with my co-worker. I tracked down her cell number yet had to leave her a message to return my call. She did so the next morning. I explained what happened without supplying the “gory” details. And her reaction really humbled me.

She was actually grateful that I acknowledged what happened and “owned” it. She said no apology was necessary. In fact, she went on to say it was a lesson to her! She told me that when things like that happen in her life, she tends to pretend that they did not, i.e. sweep them under the rug, which leads to her feeling, yes, shame. If only Brene Brown had been a “fly on the wall” to witness our tender exchange.

My simmering over that day at my office was unfortunately a precursor of things to come. Another trigger – and another needless “letting go” of my over-active imagination and clearly not the situation – led to a full-on foot stomping, fist clenching and quite possibly, smoke coming out of my ears explosion.

Interestingly enough, a literal explosion in my own kitchen a short time later provided a beautiful illustration. It was a cooking disaster the likes of which I have never seen before and, hopefully, will never see again.

A glass dish (unfortunately not of the Pyrex variety) filled with chopped sweet potatoes had been intentionally placed on a stove-top burner by a well-meaning guest before going into the oven. None of us at the dinner “party” noticed or gave it a second thought until the sound of shattering glass filled the air.

Not only did the sound fill the air – but shards of glass also shot out in all directions, wiping out another item on the stove. (Thankfully no one was hit.) We were dumbfounded at first but after realizing the cause we thoroughly cleaned up then happily went OUT to dinner.

Upon reflection, I realized that if you let something simmer long enough within, without totally forgiving and letting go, it’s just a matter of time until an “explosion” happens and you discharge your pain on someone else. And my own recent experience with this gave me the resolve to say, “This must never happen again.”

Author Edmund Burke once said, “The past should be a spring board, not a hammock.” Mine wasn’t just a hammock where I occasionally and “happily” lingered, but a prison I could not escape.

What I realized is that my own efforts to forgive and let go were utterly futile. I simply couldn’t do it on my own. So I offered everything – once again – to the One who first forgave me. I kept thinking I had already let “it” go, but in truth, I kept snatching “it” back saying, in so many words and certainly by my actions, “I got this.”

And that … never went well.

CS Lewis offers this, “Properly bedded down in a past which we do not miserably try to conjure back, they (moments in the past) will send up exquisite growths. Leave the bulbs alone, and the new flowers will come up. Grub them up and hope, by fondling and sniffing, to get last year’s blooms, and you will get nothing.”

Nothing good anyway.

Are you struggling with something – or someone – in your past? Are you afraid of being hurt again? Do you return to the offense…repeatedly? Are you holding a grudge, pointing a finger, remembering the pain?

Let it go. All of it. If you don’t, you will be stuck, “frozen in the life YOU have chosen.”

If you truly let go, however, you will be set free to “go on into the invincible future with Him.” Heck, you could even spring there.

But you just might have to start . . . on your knees.

Caroline Watkins

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