Wild Bill’s Sports Roundup

Bill TurnerWell, the column has had time to thaw out after the great snowfall of 2016.

That sets the stage for everything from All-Stars to unfavorable stars all at one time.

Plus, a couple of January meetings that hopefully had a number of people entertained in various forms, along with an upcoming one in February. Let’s take a look at the slate.

Since this column is well known for its intellectual value, let’s get things started with a little Shakespearean influence.

“Many a true word is spoken in jest . . .”

Although that line originally appeared in Geoffrey Chaucer’s 14th century Cook’s Tale in the Canterbury Tales, it likewise appeared in Shakespeare’s play, King Lear.

Yes, you always learn something in this column.

Many readers thought I was pulling their leg when I mentioned last month the possibility of a new curly haired Chia Pet sensation debuting as the ‘Chia Chief’.

The ‘Chia Chief’, honoring our Chief at The Star showed up front and center at our annual Roanoke Star meeting held at the Hotel Roanoke in mid-January. Jaws dropped when this artistic creation was brought into The Regency Room. Rumor has it The Chief may plant this in front of corporate headquarters as soon as warm weather arrives.

Thanks go out to The Big Lick Breakfast Club for having me as their guest speaker on January 26th. A great group for sure, that hopefully got a few chuckles after shoveling out from the big snow days earlier. Hopefully, my Loudmouth raffle prize is keeping the winner high and dry.

Meeting number three involves the The Roanoke Valley Sports Club, where former ACC and SEC basketball coach Dave Odom will be the guest speaker at its February 15th gathering at the Salem Civic Center. A 5:45 social is followed by the 6pm dinner meeting. Contact Maggie Drewry at 540-353-1103 for information or to purchase tickets.

On to All-Stars, where the VHSL has announced cheerleading and football selections at the Group 2A level, with our only ‘Big-11’ 2A team, the Glenvar Highlanders.

GROUP 2A SECOND TEAM ALL-STATE CHEERLEADING: Jordyn Markle and Nicki Wilson

GROUP 2A FIRST TEAM ALL-STATE FOOTBALL: Quentin Alls, offensive lineman; Zach Deck, defensive lineman

GROUP 2A SECOND TEAM ALL-STATE FOOTBALL: Remington Stanley, defensive end.

Readers recently requested another edition of ‘The Most Unusual Game of the Month’, and it would hard to beat the January 29th girls’ basketball contest between Narrows and Fort Chiswell.

Narrows’ sharpshooter Maggie Guynn set an all-time Narrows’ school record by scoring 41 points in the game. But, was it enough? Hardly. Narrows lost by 41 points after Fort Chiswell poured in 39 points in the first quarter and never looked back on its way to a 108-67 win.

Now, to this month’s late night product review, where the stars run afoul after the holiday season, when product users have a very strange description of what they see and the FAA chimes in on the hazards.

We bring you ‘The Star Shower’.

This holiday gadget had hit the airways in full force, claiming to be the sensible and sensational alternative to those ever-popular strands of regular Christmas lights that adorn yards every year. No tangled wires, if you will.

The Star Shower, however, is a single-unit laser technology that makes your front yard look as if it’s sitting right in the middle of a red and green Milky Way. An after-dark galaxy of color.

I have to admit I was so fascinated by the pitch and video, I was ready to make it a year-round accessory at my place. But, hold on. Things take a turn for the worse.

Individual, independent reviews by buyers say The Star Shower, priced at $40, is not worth the money. Some users have even claimed that while the green lights look like stars, the red ones have a distinctive phallic shape that is, shall we say, somewhat less than desirable as a decoration. (Note: this column just reports it, read it for yourself.)

Obviously, a tough sell when passersby may think your property may be the location of an adult video arcade rather than a holiday display.

The FAA has now issued a warning that The Star Shower may present problems with aircraft if the laser lights are pointed too far into the night sky, possibly even causing a pilot to be blinded.

I recommend reading ALL reviews yourself before purchasing. That being said, I give The Star Shower a HOLD rating until further research and movie reviews are released.

If The Chief isn’t looking, I may set up The Star Shower in front of corporate headquarters for a little look-see myself.

Until then, send your inquiries and a couple extension cords to [email protected]

Bill Turner

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