Wild Bill’s Sports Roundup!

Bill Turner
Wild Bill Turner

Well, he we go with the Wild Bill holiday edition.

A little bit of everything.

Volleyball all-star selections, state championship football, your college bowl game preview and a product review for those still looking for that perfect gift to leave under the Christmas tree.

I’ve got to admit, this product will have everyone at corporate headquarters wanting my scalp, but this gift will help it grow back in a hurry. Read on.

Congratulations go out to a number of VHSL Volleyball All-State selections from our ‘Big-11’ teams.

Group 2A First Team All-State: Haley Green-Glenvar

Group 3A First Team All-State: Piper Roe-Cave Spring; Aleah Keaton-Northside; Drew Freeland-Hidden Valley; Greysen Newberry-Lord Botetourt

Group 3A Second Team All-State: Georgia Farthing-Hidden Valley; Alayna Foutz-Cave Spring

Group 3A Player of the Year: Piper Roe-Cave Spring

Moving to high school state championship football where two of our ‘Big-11’ teams made it to Liberty University last Saturday for the state finals.

Congratulations go out to the Lord Botetourt Cavaliers for a valiant performance in the Group 3A final before falling to defending state champions Magna Vista. Head coach Jamie Harless has brought a new football culture to Daleville which has been embraced by the entire Cavalier Nation Sea of Red.

Likewise, high-fives go out to the Salem Spartans after their 4A state championship win over Lake Taylor in double overtime. Head coach Stephen Magenbauer continues with a long-standing Salem tradition of talented championship-caliber football.

The NCAA Division III Stagg Bowl football championship plays out this Friday night in Salem Stadium where Mount Union takes on St. Thomas (Minn.) in the 7:00 pm kickoff. The Purple Raiders of Alliance, Ohio and their fans should know their way to Salem. It’s Mount Union’s 11th straight Stagg Bowl appearance.

On to the Division I bowl games, where ‘watered down’ may well be the theme for 2015. This year we have 40 bowls and 80 teams. It certainly gives credibility to the fact that making a bowl game isn’t what it once was, and isn’t necessarily a big deal.

This year, among the 80 teams playing, 15 have 7-5 records and 12 are 6-6. To make things worse, they couldn’t come up with 80 teams with .500 records or better, so we get three 5-7 juggernauts, San Jose State, Minnesota and Nebraska.

It’s a shame that the ACC couldn’t have pulled more strings to ensure Virginia Tech head coach Frank Beamer’s encore performance would play out in a more fan-friendly venue than the Independence Bowl in Shreveport, Louisiana where they will take on the mighty Golden Hurricanes of Tulsa.

Tech fans would have flocked to the Belk Bowl in Charlotte or the Music City in Nashville, both on December 30th. But, Shreveport, Louisiana on the day after Christmas? No way.

And, the gauge may be the going tickets prices for a game pitting a pair of 6-6 teams. On the Tuesday after the bowl matchup was announced, tickets were available in a lower field-level section for $19.42. Just 24 hours later on QueenBee Tickets the price had dropped to $14. By Sunday, $8 and this past Tuesday QueenBee had ’em for $6 in the same lower level section. That’s less than a high school football playoff ticket last week.

Now, to our latest product review for the perfect Christmas stocking stuffer. We bring you the Chia Zombies.  With this beauty you get a handmade pottery planter (presumably not handmade by a Zombie), and seed packets to water.

They note this is good for all ages (are you kidding me?) and makes a creepy gift (I’ll go along with that).

Your ordering options are ‘Lifeless Lisa’, ‘The Restless Arm’ and ‘Creepy Holden’. We’re also told people who ordered Chia Zombies also bought ‘The Clapper’, the gadget that makes a lamp go on and off when you clap your hands, on your way to going nuts yourself.

There’s also the Chia Duck Dynasty set, Chia Obama and Chia Elvis.

I’m giving the Chia line of gifts a neutral rating. Positive for the educational aspect of watching something grow, although there’s often problems with mildew. Negative for even remotely being connected to ‘The Clapper’.

But, wait…..could it possibly happen? Would the company even consider the concept?

How about the Chia Chief? Everyone here at corporate headquarters could spray mist their Chia Chief and watch his hair and beard grow like crazy. I’ll mull it over, but it’s got to be more exciting than the Colorama Coloring Book The Chief was giving us.

Plus, The Chia Chief looks amazing similar to Martin Van Buren, our 8th President.

Until next time, I hope every reader has a Very Merry Christmas.

In the meantime, I’m heading to parts unknown. The staff wants my scalp for this Chia Chief idea. If I could only get my Clapper to work to cut off the lights around here.

Bill Turner

(Chief’s Note: I’m going to grow some serious chops just for you Wild Bill . . . Merry Christmas!)

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