EVICTION NOTICE
TO: God, also known as ‘Heavenly Father’; ‘Creator’; ‘Intelligent Designer’, ‘Father
Figure of the Trinity’; other aliases and DBA notwithstanding.
FROM: Supreme Court of the United States
DATE: 04 December 2015
WITNESSETH, This communication is from the Supreme Court of the United States, formerly designated SCOTUS, but hereinafter referred to as (derived from ‘Supreme Court of Unusual Mediocrity’ ) ‘SCUM’; and directed to God. However, in the interest of separation of church and state, God will hereinafter be referred to as “YKW” (You Know Who).
With this communication, SCUM serves notice on YKW that He is summarily evicted from the legal property known as the United States of America, hereinafter referred to as the USA. The SCUM is aware that there is no legally binding lease or rental agreement inasmuch as YKW inhabited said property before there was any recognized controlling legal authority. However, it is also true that there has been no ‘grandfather’ legislation permitting retroactive recognition of any domiciliary rights that YKW might otherwise legitimately claim. Hence, this Court, SCUM, has ruled that YKW is bound by mankind’s rule of law; including, but not limited to, civil domiciliary regulation.
This eviction serves as a last resort in addressing the ongoing issue of an undesirable tenant. There have been constant complaints to SCUM from the ACLU, Americans United for the Separation of Church and State, Hollywood, innumerable secular universities and secular humanist organizations, and many high profile groups seeking the repeal of inconvenient items from the Bill of Rights. Solid upstanding citizen organizations all, some of the members even being taxpayers.
The constant negative presence of YKW has had a deleterious effect on routine interstate and intrastate commerce in such established time honored enterprises as pornography, drugs, prostitution, Abortion on demand, and dismantling the US Military. The mere continued presence of YKW on domestic soil has confounded reasonable and intelligent attempts to establish an alternate morality, one that lends itself to expedient alteration. YKW, along with His followers, have been repeatedly warned about such transgressions and have continued to survive despite brilliant and thoughtful legislation aimed at their disenfranchisement. The situation is intolerable and eviction is the sole remaining solution.
YKW is hereby ordered to vacate above named premises, said ‘USA,’ never to return. Any attempt to reenter the USA under the guise of a Hispanic surname seeking alien status and entitlements will be opposed to the fullest extent of the law. Because there currently is no enforced law regarding illegal aliens, we will create it should it become in the intended interest of SCUM, applying it only to YKW.
Again, in the absence of a lawfully executed lease, SCUM arrogates unto itself the application of civil precedent: any improvements in the premises made by YKW during his residence in said premises are to remain and will be designated the sole property of SCUM. This includes, but is not limited to, floor coverings, rain gutters, and venetian blinds.
Also, on less desirable improvements, YKW is directed to leave in place: 1. The Grace He shed on said premises, in this case, the USA being addressed under the alias of ‘thee.’ 2. The crowning of good with Brotherhood (this improvement will be changed to ‘Siblinghood’ to remove any hint of sexism). 3. The favor of spacious skies, amber waves of grain (aforesaid improvements coming under the jurisdiction of the Departments of Interior and Agriculture.)
Should any of these items appear absent, YKW will face criminal proceedings under the accusation of Grand Theft, Blessing. To avoid His reappearance on said premises, this criminal proceeding would be referred to the World Court in The Hague, Switzerland. The Swiss agree, reluctantly, to grant Him only a temporary visa for that purpose.
SCUM has determined that certain items, deemed of little importance are left to YKW’s discretion to take with Him upon his departure; said items being of little value to SCUM. These items include charity, agape love, forgiveness, honor, integrity, morality, and human dignity. The government, under which SCUM has flourished, has produced suitable replacement programs for all of these endeavors, flawlessly run by a dedicated bureaucracy.
Also, be it known, YKW has a significant percentage of the inhabitants of said premises who are bound to Him by some inexplicable affection. He is welcome to take any and all of these citizens with Him. SCUM will not retain them in custody, as long as they continue to provide tax dollars.
It has also come to the attention of SCUM that YKW has advised His followers that by some sub rosa mechanism referred to as the ‘Rapture,’ said followers will experience a self-eviction from the premises. This is supposed to be followed by a return, on the part of said followers, to these premises. Let this eviction notice also make plain that SCUM will oppose such a return, unless they return in a taxpayer status.
EXECUTED on this 4th day December 2015
______________________________________ (signature)
Chief, Supreme Court of Unusual Mediocrity,
Barrister/ Attorney for Government
(i.e.,Chief SCUMBAG)
