“Watch the birdie!”
That phrase is appropriate this week for a couple of reasons. First, it pertains to today’s late-night product review we will visit later in the column. Likewise, The Chief informed me that I need a new picture of myself for this column. I can only assume he’s tired of seeing me with the Army Mule.
Actually, “Watch the birdie'” takes its origin from an old ” Little Racals ” comedy skit in which Spankey is having his picture taken by a somewhat offbeat photographer clad in a housecoat and beret. Once the photographer goes under the tripod hood, he dangles a fake bird on a stick and tells Spankey to “watch the birdie.” Unfortunately, the bird falls off the stick and Spankey stares at it on the ground, unleashing the furor of the picture-snapping goof. When prompted a second time to “watch the birdie,” Spankey, while still looking at the ground, says, “I am looking at it for Pete’s sake.” See, you always learn something when you read this column.
I hope The Chief has a very patient photographer on standby for my next glamour shot. I’m famous for reenacting chaos.
I may try this stunt on the sidelines of an upcoming game if I can get my hands on a fake bird on a stick and get a player to run toward my camera.
Until that’s done, it’s time to tackle this week’s ” Big-11 ” football predictions where, for the record, Lord Botetourt and North Cross enjoy the week off. Last week everything was back to Carroll Righter standards, with a 9-1 performance by yours truly.
ROANOKE CATHOLIC at PARRY McCLUER: The Celtics play their second tough road game in as many weeks. Waiting in Buena Vista will be the 4-0 Fighting Blues who have scored over 40 points in their last three games. Catholic will have their hands full. Parry McCluer- 42 Roanoke Catholic- 7
COVINGTON at GLENVAR: Glenvar had little trouble last Friday night against Grayson Co. while Covington won its first game versus EastMont. Can the Cougars repeat? The trusty Ouija planchette points straight to NO. Glenvar- 34 Covington- 20
SALEM at CAVE SPRING: The 4-0 Spartans visit the 3-1 Knights where Bogle Stadium has provided its share of upsets. It may be a push to expect one this week. Salem is the real deal, plus some. Salem- 38 Cave Spring- 21
WILLIAM BYRD at WILLIAM FLEMING: Looks like an easy one with the Terriers winless and the Colonels undefeated. Byrd always pulls off a shocker. This one may go down to the wire. Still, hard to predict a Colonel collapse. William Fleming- 23 William Byrd- 20
PATRICK HENRY at COLONIAL FORGE: The 3-1 Patriots make their first of five straight road trips to take on the 1-3 Eagles. Easy one, right ? No way. Upset special. I need to point out Colonial Forge’s four opponents are a combined 14-1. Colonial Forge- 28 Patrick Henry- 20
NORTHSIDE at STAUNTON RIVER: The Vikings are looking to reverse a two game losing streak against Hidden Valley and Salem. The 0-4 Golden Eagles may be just the answer. Viking ships roll despite some roster setbacks this week. Northside- 29 Staunton River- 19
HIDDEN VALLEY at CHRISTIANSBURG: A pair of 3-1 teams lock horns in Montgomery County. Hidden Valley is on a 3-game winning streak. The Titan defense will be challenged to make it four. Hidden Valley- 21 Christiansburg- 20
On to this edition’s late-night product review where sharp vision to “Watch the birdie” is possibly enhanced. We bring you “Instant 20/20.” These gaudy nose-sitters claim to let the user dial in their vision Rx right from the dials on the frames.
The pitch readily admits they aren’t fashionable. That may be the understatement of the world of opticianry. These glasses look ridiculous.
They claim the “Instant 20/20” is a cure for misplaced glasses and accidentally stepping on your bifocals. I have yet to figure out why you can’t lose or step on a pair of “Instant 20/20s.”
Testimonials show an elated couple watching TV and a guy taking a sneak-peak at a couple of girls in bikinis walking by him at the pool. Disclaimers include not for astigmatism and do not use for driving.
I actually tried these out and all is not lost. I’m giving the “Instant 20/20” a neutral-plus rating. Goofy looking sharp vision beats GQ blurred vision any day of the week.
But, avoid the pool scene. These things aren’t chick magnets.
Until next time, focus in on my column and send your comments to [email protected]
