Wild Bill’s Sports Roundup

Wild Bill Turner
Wild Bill Turner

Well, The Chief once said he wasn’t a cat lover.

And, even I wouldn’t buy him a Perfect Polly. But, read on……I think I’ve got the solution.
It’s been a very busy week for The Star Sports Department. We were at the Greenbrier Classic last week (see today’s article) where Argentine Angel Cabrera took the title with a four-day, 16-under-par 264 total.
During Wednesday’s Pro-Am and Friday’s Fourth of July second round, John Daly and myself hooked up on the first tee to put on quite the fashion show in Loudmouth pants. Daly was clad in “Lucky” green on Wednesday while I sported “Paint Balls.” Comedian/actor George Lopez likewise got in the act while his caddy ate bananas. This gig ain’t easy. Friday brought Daly in “Betsy Ross” with myself in equally red, white and blue “Norway Patchwork.” A shout out to Star readers who said hello during the tournament.
The Star sports team will return to White Sulphur Springs later this month with the arrival of the New Orleans Saints training camp.
This week, the best women amateur golfers in the state converge on Hidden Valley Country Club for the 98th VSGA Women’s Amateur Championship. Two days of stroke play will move to match play competition for the top 16 players Thursday and Friday on the HV links.
The American Legion district baseball tournament will play out at Salem’s Kiwanis Field July 18th through 22nd. Come out to see Scott Smith’s Roanoke Post 3 squad.
The second half of July brings plenty of opportunities to see the Salem Red Sox at Lewis Gale Field. The Sox begin a six-game home stand July 16th with three game sets against both Lynchburg and Potomac. After a road trip to Lynchburg, Salem returns home on July 25th for a three-game set against first-half champ Myrtle Beach. A day off follows before Carolina comes to town for three games July 29-31. Great promotions during that stretch that should draw big crowds to the ball park.
Racing returns to the Franklin County Speedway this Saturday night with a full slate of racing events. Green flag drops at 7 p.m. at the Callaway 3/8 mile oval.
Are you a Hoo or are you a Hokie ? Football coaches from both squads will be the guest speakers at a pair of Roanoke Valley Sports Club meetings set for later this month.
It’s UVA night on Tuesday, July 22nd, followed by VT night on Monday, July 28th. Both meetings take place at Roanoke Country Club, with 5:45 socials followed by the dinner meetings at 6:15. Guests and perspective new members are invited to attend both meetings. Come out to hear the preseason predictions on both squads. Contact Maggie Drewry at 540-353-1103 for more information and to make reservations.
Now, what you’ve been waiting for. Our popular late night product review. This may serve The Chief’s pet crisis since he can keep this one on his desk. We bring you, ” My Best Fish Friend.”
This pitch starts with a miracle pouch which you add to water that grows into colorful fish. You also get fish food and a magnifying glass (first tip that something is amiss) in the deal.
I never like to jump to conclusions, nor am I a fish expert, so  I went to fish pro Virginia L. who had been told that she could come out ahead by buying a pregnant guppy, which yielded her 34 cute baby fish. Not to break the flow of this column, but how do you tell a guppy is pregnant ? Oh, yea…..maternity clothes.
Virginia L. said these  little guys are known as ‘killifish’ which, in order to survive, will require that you also have a heater, filtration device, thermometer, plant shelter, day-old brine shrimp for food, glycerine soap and gloves.
Our expert also added that the baby killifish are the size of the tip of a needle, which explains why the larger brine shrimp food actually eats the fish they’re supposed to feed. One guy said he looked at the water for 4 days with the magnifying glass, and nothing. Oh, brother.
Based upon all testimonials, I’m rating MBFF a no-go. Save your wallet and your eyes. Take a weekend trip to the Baltimore Aquarium.
Until next time, send your baited questions to [email protected].

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