Wild Bill’s Sports Roundup!

Wild Bill Turner
Wild Bill Turner

Roll out the red carpet. Move over Joan Rivers.

Wild Bill will be in Loudmouth ” Hollywood Formal ” later this week when I join the rest of the fashionable media at the Miss Virginia Pageant.

The Chief seemed pleased when I struck the traditional swimsuit pose of this year’s 26 contestants during Monday’s event that appears in today’s edition. Once again, a happy Chief makes for a relaxed sports department. Well……maybe, read on.

Speaking of The Chief, mum was the word last week as he flew over international waters during a last minute assignment in Haiti. Since this is the shoulder season of sports, it only seems logical that I, likewise, fly over international waters to cover an event. I thought about The World Cup soccer match in Brazil, but since I don’t speak Brazilian, I marked that off. On the other hand, since I do speak French, it seems appropriate for The Chief to send me to The Tour de France. Oui, Monsieur Chief ?

This year’s Tour de France won’t strictly be a tour of France. The world’s most famous bicycle race will pedal through 4 countries, including England, Belgium, Spain and France. See, you always learn something when you read this column.

I’ve already been pricing the rental of a motorcycle, with a driver and sidecar, while I ride sidecar through the Alps to photograph the peleton. Unlike our new Star polo shirts, it’s clear this gig unfortunately won’t be kept under budget. Incroyable, Monsieur Chief.

On to local sports, where it was just over a month ago when Brooke Henderson pulled out a final round come-from-behind victory in the girls 15-18 division of the Scott Robertson Memorial at Roanoke Country Club. Our sports pages carried a story on her win, including an interview and photograph with Henderson. So what’s going on lately with Brooke?

On Sunday the cute Canadian fired a final-round 69 on Pinehurst #2 to finish tied for 10th in the U.S. Women’s Open. Being the low amateur, it secured her a spot in next year’s Women’s Open in Pennsylvania. Henderson has indicated she plans on defending her Scott Robertson title next May. Had she been playing as a pro last week, her 295 four-round total would have been worth just over $ 90,000.

Locally, the Salem Red Sox returned home Wednesday night for a six game home stand at Salem Memorial Stadium. Carolina and Wilmington comprise the pair of three game sets through Monday. The Sox will be looking to turn around a 1-5 start in the 2nd half.

The Star sports department heads to White Sulphur Springs next week for the week-long Greenbrier Cassic PGA TOUR event. We’ll kick things off on Tuesday with coverage on our local First Tee Roanoke Valley Youth Day participation and First Tee junior player Tyler Peterson’s quest to team up with a PGA pro in the $ 10,000 First Tee scramble.

We now move to this edition’s late night product review where we were due for one that made some sense. Forwarded to me by a reader, this elaborate format claims to be a brain-training tool. You’re told the program improves the six key functions of the brain: logic, concentration, visual, memory, language and speed.

I was shocked to learn the human brain starts to slow down at age 25. That gives validity to why I can’t see good, can’t concentrate, talk slow and can’t remember what time games start. The Chief may want to buy me this whole deal.

You’re prompted to take a multi-part test to see if you’re a candidate for joining. This is sort of like those old Jon Gnagy “Learn to Draw” ads where you’re told to draw a picture so they can evaluate your artistic potential. A couple weeks later you received a letter in the mail informing you that you’re potentially the next Van Gogh. Old Jon was no dummy, selling millions of drawing kits (yea, I had a couple). On May 16, 1946 he was the first “act” on the 1st television broadcast from the antenna atop the Empire State Building. Again, you always learn something when you read this column.

So, the test caught me off-guard when I was told to read a paragraph with reduced margins, thus missing letters. No problem, although it took a little time to spit it out. The second part instructed to click on when you saw two matching number tiles. Up came a circle with two boxes surrounding two 2s. I clicked everything in sight to no avail. Possably a teaser to make you feel ignorant. Listen guys, I know my #2s.

The testing grows on you when it offers other mind tests that involve everything from hidden objects to paint dropping. I’m giving the brain improvement tool a big five-star review. I kept sensing improvement with every step. Let’s face it, a way better use of your time that talking to a plastic parakeet like Perfect Polly.

Until next time, send your brain teasers to [email protected]. I might be the smartest guy in Europe by the start of the Tour de France. Right, Chief? (Yes – certainly in Europe Bill . . .)

– Stuart

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