You’ve got to give The Chief credit for intuition and foresight.
The Star may be on the cutting edge of expanding circulation opportunities. And, it looks like a universal expansion.
Last week the big news in astronomy was the startling discovery of Kepler 186-f, an Earth-sized planet located in the habitual zone of a 5 planet solar system 500 light years away. With a sun of its own, conditions on 186-f are conducive to life and support the presence of water, the typical planetary missing ingredient needed for human beings. Thus, with our paper being attractively named “The Star” to those possibly on 186-f, it offers us new circulation opportunities.
In fact, they may already be tapping into The Star’s online website from their planet that has a diameter only 10% bigger than Earth. Since Earth has a circumference of about 24,900 miles, and the diameter is the circumference divided by pi (3.14) , Earth’s diameter is about 7,930 miles. Therefore, Kepler 186-f has a diameter of around 8,723 miles, bringing it in line with Earth’s size to sustain civilization. See, you always learn something when you read this column.
I want to be the first to roll out the red carpet from the Wild Bill Column to all residents of 186-f and hope you send in questions to the sports mail bag.
On to high school baseball and softball where spring break has most teams on the sidelines until next Monday. Here’s a look at the Wild Bill ” Big-11 ” Top-3 in each heading into May.
Baseball
#1) Hidden Valley: The Titans remain undefeated at 6-0 with strong pitching, defense and hitting leading the way. A key showdown next week with #2 Northside.
#2) Northside: The Vikings have had a winning run with stellar pitching and timely hitting. Northside will be looking for the top spot with a win over Hidden Valley.
#3)Salem: The third spot remains up for grabs and the final month of the regular season may bring new faces into the mix. Somebody will get hot going into the stretch run.
Softball–
#1)Cave Spring: The 11-1 Knights have split with #2 Northside. The Knights will rely on jam-master Taylor Asimakopoulos to continue her dominance from the circle. If the Cave Spring bats heat up, look out opposition.
#2)Northside: The 9-2 Vikings look good in the Blue Ridge race. Northside pitcher Ruthie Williams can be the difference in the circle. The Vikings typically peak late in the season.
#3)Lord Botetourt: The 8-2 Lady Cavaliers could easily make a lot of noise in the Blue Ridge race. Botetourt and Byrd could make things difficult for Northside.
The Salem Red Sox returned home Wednesday night for a 7-game home stand against Lynchburg and Winston-Salem continuing through Tuesday, April 29th. Special promotions highlight this week’s games.
Racing returns this Sunday afternoon for the never-a-dull-moment action at the Franklin County Speedway in Callaway. Green flag drops at 3:00 p.m. for the Industrial Floor Systems Spring Sizzler. Load up the car for only $ 25 and see some of the best stock car racing in Virginia, as well as an appearance by Wild Bill clad in my trademark Loudmouths.
The moment you’ve been waiting for now arrives. This week’s late-night product review. With summer storms brewing in the Atlantic, we feature the Hurricane Spin Mop.
The pitch advises not to wrap dollar bills around your current obsolete mop. The Hurricane Spin Mop does it all–wets the floor, picks up everything and dries the floor in one swoop.
The first scene has a homeowner with what appears to be sewage all over the bathroom linoleum. Right there, I’m saying, “lady you don’t need a mop, you need a plumber.”
Then, junior spills chocolate milk, ketchup, Koolaid and a couple more things all over the floor. Obviously, these family members are total slobs.
For kickers, we get a baby crawling around in the mopping area, a guy holding the mop over a woman’s head and the claim your hands will never again touch a mop. How do you use it if you don’t touch it?
Added in the deal is a sticky buddy that picks up everything (I thought the mop did that) and a 10-year return policy. Can you imagine trying to get a refund on a ten-year-old mop?
You can wash it in the washing machine 300 times (there go my Polo shirts) and get the 2-for-1 enticer. (But why would you need two?)
All that being said, I rate the Hurricane Spin Mop a neutral for advertising ingenuity and the hopeful thought of someone getting that baby cleaned up.
Until next week, send your spills to [email protected]. And, if I get the weather boys to name the 23rd storm of the season Hurricane Wild Bill, go ahead and buy 6 mops. You’ll need them.
– Bill Turner
