What a week at The Star.
The Chief called a lunch meeting at Hotel Roanoke, and as I sat there envisioning all the corporate meetings and decisions that have been made throughout the years in the historic Virginia Room, I realized I’m probably the first to ever wear Loudmouth pants amid those hallowed walls.
I’m planning on returning for a picture beside the board room table or sitting in a leather chair. Hope the HR will hang it along a corridor to commemorate the historic event.
Moving to high school basketball, The Wild Bill ” Big-11 ” Top-5 rolls toward the end of regular season games the second week of February. It’s interesting how much input this column receives regarding which teams belong in the Top-5. There’s no shortage of good arguments for about seven at this point. We have to narrow it down based on strength of opponents, and wins and losses. Here’s the latest breakdown.
#1- Lord Botetourt: Got to stick with the 11-2 Cavaliers in the top spot after their win over Staunton River reversed midseason losses to undefeated Spotswood and resurgent William Fleming. Plenty of power in Daleville.
#2- Patrick Henry: The 11-3 Patriots move up to the second spot after 4 wins last week, all in convincing fashion. The question is, will PH run out of gas?
#3- William Byrd: The Terriers ( 11-3) picked up a big win over Allegheny County and will have plenty to say before the tough Blue Ridge winds down.
#4- William Fleming: The 7-4 Colonels started with 4 losses and now have won 7 straight. Games with Top-5 members 1 through 3 remain on the schedule.
#5- North Cross: Ed Green’s Raiders ( 12-6 ) slip into the final spot after wins over Hargrave , Holy Cross and Eastern Mennonite. Scrappy North Cross is set to tackle PH on Feb. 5th.
They say defense wins games, so we’ll highlight a pair of stellar efforts by ” Big-11 ” squads last week. On the boys side, North Cross put the hammer down on Holy Cross with a convincing 71-20 win last Tuesday. The Raiders held Holy Cross to a combined 2 points in the second and third quarters.
Not to be outdone, the Roanoke Catholic girls shut down Chatham Hall 67-8 in a game that saw Chatham held to 0 points in the second quarter, 2 in the first and fourth, and 4 in the third.
As promised, we now move to this edition’s late-night product review.
A high school coach, who will remain anonymous in order to be removed from this review, once told me when two things happen in a row, it may be a fluke; but, when it happens three times, it’s a trend.
That being said, I had hoped the initial 2014 five-star Wraptastic would be the start of a trend in sensible late-night products. Unfortunately, it appears we had a fluke.
I bring you ” Perfect Polly.”
Polly is an artificial parakeet, complete with a motion sensor that prompts the contraption to swivel its head, chirp and, as the ad quotes, “shake its tail feather.” I knew we were in trouble right away.
One attraction pitched is that Polly, as opposed to a real member of the aves family, doesn’t bother you with Polly Poop. I was still trying to keep an open mind at this point, but it was fading fast.
The real clincher in the pitch is the drama of the attractive woman, along with what appears to be her elderly father and young daughter, being totally enthralled as she converses with Polly from only inches away.
Lady……..get real…….you’re talking to a plastic bird.
We finally get the requisite ” call now for a second Perfect Polly free of charge, plus a pair of Polly Perches.” I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried, shipping and handling notwithstanding.
I would surmise having two of these things in windows at both ends of the house would virtually insure your neighbors thinking you’ve lost your mind.
Now, a quick peek at the mailbag, where one reader must have some Christmas money still sitting around.
Dear Wild Bill: What constitutes “late-night” in your late-night product reviews? I may want to buy this stuff. (Marcella/ Dry Fork)
Well, Marcella, it must appear on cable between midnight and 4 a.m. The ad rates are cheap, matching many of the products. Some are so bad they’re clearly for the birds.
Until next time, keep the paper in the cage clean, then send your chirps to [email protected]
– Bill Turner
