Wild Bill’s Weekly Sports Roundup

by Bill Turner

Well, March Madness proceeds to the round of sixteen tonight as the pretenders will separate from the contenders like gas and water.

I’m calling it the round of sixteen, because all the monikers we’re pounded with at this stage of the tournament start sounding like the scripted cliches we’ll hear throughout next month’s Masters.

Trust me, come late Friday night, it’ll be more like the sweet and sour eight, rather than the sweet-16.

I was taken to the woodshed by several readers over panning the ACC’s tournament chances outside of Duke and UNC.

I’ll stay the course on my bold predictions. UVA had a great season, but got a big dose of SEC basketball in falling to Florida last Friday afternoon. Florida State, considered by many to be this year’s VCU, is already preparing for the spring football game and Duke…………well, the Blue Devils, a shoe-in to the Final-4 by some ACC purists, got sent home by 15-seed Lehigh.

One clearly riled ACC fan told me Tuesday during lunch that all is not lost. He predicted UNC and N.C. State both making the Final-4.

I’m going to tell everyone now- if that happens, we’ll have a huge story on our hands. And, it won’t be that UNC and N.C. State are both playing in the mile-high city.

Local high school baseball is shaping up with non-district games. Northside looks ready to defend its Group AA state championship, the River Ridge District looks strong and Patrick Henry is set to unveil its newly refurbished ball park.

We’ll go out on a softball highlight, albeit out of the Roanoke area. Bath County pitcher Jailyn Ford picked up the 5-inning, 10-0 win via the ten-run slaughter rule Monday afternoon when the Lady Chargers defeated Buffalo Gap. Ford struck out 15; you do the math.

With the arrival of Spring on Tuesday, and those comfortable, warmer nights on the horizon, it’s time for a Wild Bill Home Security Advisory.

This edition takes a look at fending off the potential visit from the late-night, warm weather intruder, the Peeping Tom.

Although claimed to be a victimless crime by many, there’s little question the appearance of a pair of eyes at your window late at night can unnerve any household member.

As a child growing up in what is still considered a well-heeled Roanoke neighborhood, my family’s residence was targeted by an aggressive Peeping Tom that had been on the roam for months, and the talk of the street. Rarely a summer week passed without the Tom striking anew in bold fashion.

At my home, my mother was greeted by a midnight pair of eyes and two fingers parting the Venetian blinds. She calmly alerted my dad in the next room, who chased the invader into the woods without making a positive ID.

Wild Bill PT (Peeping Tom) Rule #1– Quietly call the police without ado. They may nab the clown red handed.

When the police arrived, things got worse when they found a ladder propped up to a window on the opposite side of the house, giving evidence, like termite ads, that these intruders swarm in ways unnoticed by the homeowner.

Our neighbors were targeted next, but the lady of the house, upon sensing a Peeper, made the blatant mistake of asking “Who’s there?”

Wild Bill PT Rule #2– never tip yourself off by addressing the Tom, lest he’ll know he’s been spotted and run for the hills.

In this case, the Peeper responded, “It’s me”, to which the lady asked, “Who’s me?”

The now over-confident Peeper said, “It’s just me.” This conversation ended when the housewife went screaming into another room.

The police arrived and the husband, who by now had surveyed the crime scene outside, came back to report he thought it was only a bird. I think I’m missing something here, if you, like Columbo, recreate the witness testimonies.

Wild Bill PT Rule #3- Don’t make yourself look like an idiot to authorities or casual observers.

Summarizing- Use high-wattage floodlights and other outdoor illumination. Peepers don’t like performing on the Broadway stage. If you enjoy the voyeurism, keep curtains pulled back and use Windex weekly to secure a clear line of sight.

Well, see you next week. It’s late, way past my bedtime and I’m going for a walk.

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