Now, I am not saying that summer is almost over, but, school IS just around the corner. Many kids in the area return to classes after Labor Day, some at the end of the month and others go back in as little as two weeks. Of the hundreds that I have spoken to recently, some are excited about going back, seeing friends, taking new classes, etc. Others are dreading it, not ready to give up the pool and sleeping late. Most, however, have some degree of anxiety. For the average elementary and middle schooler, school represents the most significant social environment they know. Returning to this can be exciting, but it is also a process of plugging back into relationships, dealing with feelings of acceptance and rejection, and is a significant adjustment from the lazy days of summer. With this in mind, here are a few things that we as parents can do to help make this process easier for our children and increase their probability of success in the transition back to school.
First of all, get them back on schedule. For most families, the schedule that children keep changes drastically over the summer. Many sleep late, stay up late watching late night movies, and evening activities are not that big of a deal when we know there is nothing scheduled for them in the mornings. When school starts, it is a different story. Sleep is a major contributor to mood and intellectual functioning. Don’t wait until school begins to address this issue. At a minimum, start a week ahead. Set clear bedtimes and stick to them. It will take this long and longer for many to readjust their sleep/wake schedule and it is not a fun process. Once school begins there are many more tasks to be focused on than this battle. A good minimum for a school aged child is 9 hours.
Next, get their school supplies. The schools in the area, especially elementary and middle, do a fantastic job of letting parents know what a child needs at the beginning of school. As parents we don’t always realize how a child feels on the first few days when teachers expect them to be prepared with supplies. This situation can cause significant and yet unnecessary anxiety for a child. This can be compounded when a child is surrounded by peers, most of whom will be prepared. Take the time now to go shopping and give your child the confidence that they will be ready with what they need on the first day.
Another important area to address is setting the boundaries. Let your children know what will be expected during the school year ahead of time. One very significant area to address is homework. When and how will it be done? Are you going to check it? What privileges will be tied to academic performance? The best time for most children to do homework, is immediately after school. It is OK to let them have time for a snack or short break, but it is vital that they not move on to other activities until this work is done. The average child does not require a significant break after school. They are best suited to completing homework when it is done in close proximity to when it was assigned. Once a child moves on to another task, it is more difficult to get them to return to homework and for their brains and attitudes to get back in learning mode. Another related issue is when a child knows that they are not allowed any privileges (TV, games, playing with friends) until their work is done, they now have motivation for it to be completed. When homework is out of the way initially, the rest of the evening schedule is less affected negatively and bedtimes happen as planned.
The last suggestion is to give them something to feel good about. Get them a new shirt, shoes or backpack that they really like. When a child feels good about how they present, it helps to lessen the anxiety of returning to school. This does not mean that we need to unnecessarily buy a new wardrobe or spend $150 on a pair of new shoes. For one child it may be a new pair of earrings, for another it may be a new belt. It does not need to be expensive to be significant. Ask your child if there is something special they would like for the first day of school.
A good analogy for this is thinking of going into a new job. You would naturally have a little anxiety, want to make a good impression, and want to know what was expected and how the day would unfold. Every new school year is similar to this for our children, especially in elementary and middle school. We can do a lot to lessen their anxiety and support their success by paying attention to a few details in advance.
By Keith McCurdy [email protected]
